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December 19, 2005
Bad Days
I've been having some bad days lately. Today was the worst that I've felt in a long time. I didn't want to write here tonight. I wanted to get rid of the AdWords, writing on this site, and just pretend that things will get better by themselves. That sounds so dumb when I write it. I knew and know that I should write here. I could feel myself shaking in multiple conversations today. I went out to lunch with a friend I hadn't seen a long time and only said a few words. I felt I couldn't do more. But now I remember that yes, I did go out for lunch, which is good. And I asked one of my few friends out for dinner as well, even when I felt frightened and out of place. Everything felt scary and full of anxiety today. I had two people "reject" me this weekend, two things I don't want to write about right now, and I think this has greatly affected my self esteem. And when I feel worthless my social anxiety is so much worse. I've started taking Zoloft again, something I haven't taken in nearly a year. I'm feeling depressed. I want to both curl up and hide and fix everything at once. I know I'm getting depressed and need to keep working on the things that matter. I still need to find a new therapist and do more things that make me feel better about myself. I am moving forward, but the steps back can make me feel so terrible.
Posted by successfullyshy at December 19, 2005 10:58 PM